Update On My Recent Life

So yeah, it's been a while since I last posted...sorry about that. A lot of shiz has gone on since I last posted. :/ Good and bad things have happened. Maybe you've heard, maybe you haven't, but Tyler and I broke up in September. So I obviously was so broken inside, nothing mattered to me anymore. I spent all day hiding the fact that I was torn to pieces inside and wearing a fake smile to hide the pain I felt. It was hell on earth for me for the first 2 weeks or so. I had to fake smiles, hold back massive amounts of tears and I had to stay looking strong so I wouldn't be labeled as weak or as a drama queen that cries at school to get attention. There were a few times where I asked to go to the bathroom to avoid situations where I cried in class. Even now, it still makes me sad when I think back on memories of us together. So much went on in the almost 2 years that we were together. I've moved on now, but that doesn't mean I'm not still sad sometimes. Of course, my closest friends were very supportive and helped me out the best that they could. One of my best friends since 9th grade, Matthew, was a huge part in me moving on from the break-up. He would talk to me and hang out with me when I would have a hard day and even now, it brings tears to my eyes thinking about how supportive he was and still is. He is my rock and he has always been there with me through everything. He has always cared a lot about me and he is one of the best things in my life. And as of October 13th, he's been my boyfriend. :) He shows so much love and compassion whenever we're together, not in ways such as showering me with gifts, but by just being with me, cuddling with me when I'm cold or upset, kissing me when I'm sad. A few times, I've  just felt so down and he'll just sit there and tell me all the reasons why I'm amazing to him and it just makes me feel so much better about myself. He makes me feel like I'm worth something, like I actually matter. I know that I matter to him and knowing that makes me feel so good. I still can't believe how much he cares about me and how much I'm worth to him. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how he's always been there. It just seems like it was always meant to be, seeing as how he was my first kiss, the first person I ever really loved. No one else makes me feel the way that he does. I've felt love for other people, such as Tyler, but not in the same way as I feel for Matt. I know that sounds really cheesy, but it's the truth. It's not just some stupid junior high crush or me just saying that because he's super gorgeous, I say it because I really feel that way. Somehow, I think deep down, I knew that we were going to end up together someday. I've grown up a lot since 9th grade and I've been through a lot since then. I've learned so much more about friends and love and just how to be a better person. In 9th grade, I think when I look back....I was the biggest asshole/bitch ever. I'll read my diary from back then and think, "What in the hell was wrong with me? I broke up with that guy just because I got bored?? WTF???" I know now how badly it hurts to just be pushed away because someone gets 'bored' of you. It sucks, a lot. If I could go back in time, I think I would tell my past self to look at herself and realize how selfish and stupid she was. Now, I think of others instead of just me. I hope that I can continue to become a better person....somehow. Thanks for reading this incredibly long post. Haha. Cheers! ♥ xx